Good, Better, and Best
For the parents of the Bay Area, the American Dream seems to be just within reach for the next generation. All that stands between their children and their white picket fence is a college education from an elite university. And for these students, the four years of high school are wholeheartedly dedicated to getting those tippy top test scores, outstanding extracurriculars, and a shiny resume — all to prove that you are worthy, you are good enough, you are the perfect fit for the big leagues.
However, the big leagues are steadily becoming smaller. Harvard University accepted less than 5% of applicants into the class of 2024. Stanford University accepted a little over 5% of their applicants in 2020 — a one percent increase from the year before.
The harsh reality in college admissions is that you are worthy, good enough, and the perfect fit - but others might be more worthy, better, and already fitting in. The extreme prestige associated with highly ranked universities and their increasing selectiveness have created an extreme pressure on high school students to become part of the “lucky few.”
In the Bay Area, the coastal area of Northern California, parental pressure on students have reached frightening heights. Extreme parental expectations, environmental pressure, and constant comparison culminate in a stressful, grueling environment for young adults to grow and mature in. In a life centered around college admissions and elitism, mental health has declined for students in the Bay Area.
The argument surrounding parental pressure is not a new one — and not an entirely bad one either. After analyzing the results of multiple studies, the Johns Hopkins Center for Talented Youth concluded that “In contrast to popular belief, most parents of academically talented students do not seem to play a detrimental role in their children’s achievement by pressuring them to achieve. These parents, in general, do not focus exclusively on high academic performance such as grades and test scores. Even when they do, almost one-half of these parents also focus on understanding of material and personal improvement in performance. Such a balance, especially when accompanied with support and guidance, is unlikely to foster feelings of pressure.” Put simply, pressure is only positive when it is rooted in parental concern for achievement beyond the academic. In arguing that extreme family expectations are the driving force behind declining mental health, I am not saying little to no pressure should be applied to children. Rather, I am advocating for a less elitist centered approach to raising children.
Parents want the best for the children — and a college education is no exception. However, parents have come to define the “best” in numerical terms: class rankings, the yearly US News university rankings, and the miniscule acceptance rates. When parents adopt an elitist mindset and shaping their children in the “lucky few,” their children grow up under with the same perceptions of achievement. When parents look down on lower ranked schools or scores, their children are encouraged to look down on themselves.
Conversely, it is no surprise that that high-achieving high school students have been named an “at-risk” group by the National Academies of Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine. Suniya Luthar, an ASU psychology professor, found that “found that adolescents in high-achieving schools can suffer significantly higher rates of anxiety, depression, substance abuse and delinquent behaviors, at least two to three times the national average… When a child’s sense of self-worth is dependent on what they achieve, it can lead to anxiety and depression. Anxiety can come from worrying about keeping up with or outshining peers, while depression can be caused by a failure to achieve.” In other words, when you measure yourself in units of test scores, extracurriculars, and rankings, mental health declines. And our first teachers — our parents — are the inventors of this measurement system. As a result, academic expectations not only serve as external pressure on children, but also lead to internal pressure and self-judgement by children themselves.
So, is there any solution to this seemingly never-ending cycle of parent and kid? According to Dr. Victor Schwartz, an expert on teenage mental health, “how parents act can be as important, if not more important. ‘Having reasonable goals, expectations and modeling the acceptance of the fact that we all fail sometimes, make mistakes and missteps and showing how to constructively respond to them are important,” says Schwartz. ‘We also can help by modeling values and ideals that we believe are important and valuable.’” Schwartz’s in-depth solution to the mental health decline in high school students addresses the deep-seated issues that create extreme pressure. Only when parents teach themselves acceptance and sensible goals can they begin to teach their children to accept themselves.
As I make the case for elitist parental perspective as the root cause for students’ mental health decline, I realize that some may wrongly think I mean no pressure and low goals are the way to go for healthy, happy children. Instead, I am advocating for the positive pressure the JH Center for Talented Youth described: expectations built on realistic growth and personal meaning. We should be teaching children to compare themselves to who they were yesterday, not to those around them.
Sources
https://www.sfexaminer.com/opinion/pressure-of-college-admission-takes-toll-on-students/
